Language Of Love

Do you remember the popularity of the whole Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars book? No? Congratulations you are not old. LOL Many moons ago in the 1900s a buddy of mine was reading those books and recommended it to me. I thought it was interesting that a big, country, long-haul truck driver was reading it so I gave it a shot. I found I was more like Mars. I think that should have been my first clue that I was not like many women LOL. So I get married to this guy who is not like many men. Together we make a pretty good couple and we are on our 20th year of marriage – pretty good for USA 2020. Still, I am surprised at the things that come up. For example, yesterday my husband was being annoying and I ran away from him and one of our daughters said, “What are you doing?” Before I could tell her I was getting away from her juvenile mildly annoying father, he smiles broadly and proclaims, “We are flirting!”. I couldn’t say another word while I processed that moment. THAT is his idea of flirting? Really? If THAT does not explain a ton about us I don’t know what does. I would not have considered what was happening to be flirting in a million years. Was it funny? Sure – you gotta laugh at things like that. Was it annoying? I say definitely yes. Flirting? Absolutely not. Not a single flutter happened in my heart, my knees did not get weak and I did NOT want to kiss him. Maybe this is why we don’t always see eye to eye on what is romantic and what is not. I’m not complaining, mind you. He and I have come a LONG way on our journey to understanding each other. However, this moment in time reminded me that TWO PEOPLE, no matter how non standard/non-binary/traditional they are, can and will have a different language of love. I think that is why it is important to always talk about it. During our first two years of marriage I just kept my mouth shut trying to be that perfect “whatever ideals that had been shoved into my brain” wife for my new husband. Eventually I realized I would go insane keeping up that farce. Once I said, “I really do not like that, I like this” our marriage became an entirely different experience. No – I’m not saying we have everything worked out. Trust me, if we did he would NEVER leave underwear on the floor and the dishes would be washed RIGHT after I cook. I would never interrupt him when he was in the middle of a BOSS BATTLE to ask him to take out the trash and I would ALWAYS understand his quirky jokes. I do believe he and I have a BETTER marriage because we did the hard work. We had to get help at the beginning. A really good therapist recommended some books and we had a lot of uncomfortable conversations. He was diagnosed with BiPolar 2 and sought help and I realized that I was broken from my child rearing and sought help for that as well. Now 53 and 46 we are at a point where we discuss more than argue and that is a good place to be. Communication truly is key to any good relationship.

You don’t have to be a SUPER woman to be a smart woman.

Published by bridgey1967

53. Funny. Non complacent. Loving but not a sucker.

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