Think about it – everyone love’s January 2’s younger brother December 31 as it involves parties, a ball drop, cocktails and fireworks. What a glamorous “life”! Even its younger sister January 1 gets fame for being the FIRST and new beginnings and all that jazz. Poor January 2 – who talks about her? NO ONE (well except today – I am). It made me think about how siblings might feel or anyone else that feels not first, second but third. Sure, if you have a ton of confidence it bothers you not one iota. But for the rest of us mere mortals it can sting. There is even some scientific research about discriminative parental solicitude. Of course this “science” is often based on self report so I am not sure if it really is purely scientific. It is interesting to read about though. Traditionally you always hear fathers favor sons and mothers favor daughters. In South Korean culture – at least traditionally – everyone favored males over females. I’m sure this had to do with the whole wage earning scenario. Most people believe parents favor genetically related children to step children or adopted children. In my case, my stepfather loved me unconditionally. Even birth order plays a role in that some parents favor the first born and others favor the “baby” of the family. Because of some of these perceptions, some parents go out of their way to prove they have NO favorites by constantly reminding all their kids that they are loved equally. While I can understand their thoughts behind this action, I truly do not think one can love each kid exactly the same. They are different, after all. Even triplets are different even if they look identical. I have two daughters that are 3 1/2 years apart. I love them differently. My favoritism fluctuates depending on the situation. If I am doing something that requires attention to detail or following direction well, I prefer my eldest. She is very focused and good with not questioning my motives and will follow directions and trust I know what I am doing. If I am doing something adventurous or daring, I prefer my younger daughter who loves to have fun and is game to try anything new and throws caution to the wind. If I am seeking a quiet activity or wanting to be left alone but not ignored I reach out for the eldest. If I am wanting to be distracted from world problems and I want to ignore my chores, I call upon the youngest. I could provide endless examples of my preference for one over the other. However, if both of them were on a boat and there was only room for two people I would of course jump into the cold dark sea and let both of them live. I could not choose one over the other in that sort of situation. However, I can admit that I like one over the other for certain instances. I am human and they are so very different. I love them both very much but to say I love them equally every minute would be a big fat lie. Parents who say that I think are lying to themselves. I know what message they are TRYING to evoke but it is just not possible. Before I had children I wished for boys not because they are BETTER but because I tended to get along with males more than females and I was not sure if I would know how to mother girls. I had preconceived notions that I needed to like makeup and clothes and be good at those sorts of things. It could not be further from the truth. I have learned that a parent does not have to be ALL THINGS for her children. I am NOT girly, but should they ever need advice my husband has two beautiful sisters who can help them in anything feminine and beauty related. My sister definitely has great fashion sense. They have a bonus Auntie in Vermont that is a beauty queen and knows everything about fabric, color and coordinating fashion to bring out your best assets. So they are covered. They also have women role models in their family that are highly educated, service oriented, great with technology and computer science. I along with other female relatives can teach them how to fix just about anything (including their beauty queen auntie who has remodeled more than one bathroom and kitchen – hell whole houses!). I swear I have learned more humility as a parent than I have any other times in my life. Everything you think you know gets thrown out the window. So to all you January 2 people – you should feel more like Cinco De Mayo or Christmas because that is what you are. The sooner you realize that the better. And if your Mama did not realize that I am here to tell you that I will celebrate your uniqueness. I have never been “normal” or what is expected socially from a “woman” and at 53 I finally feel absolutely cozy in my skin. In 2021 work toward that – look at yourself for who you are and surround yourself with people who love you the way you are. You deserve it. Happy January 2nd everyone!