The Power of Self-Awareness

I just finished a text conversation with someone I love and I am reminded that all of us are seeking to be our best selves. We are the product of our environment, parents and society but we are always in control of our SELF. It is my understanding that self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection. It sounds easy but there are many people that simply can not “look at themselves”. My mother, I believe, suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She was never diagnosed as she would refuse to see anyone. However, my therapist felt that if some of the observations I made were even half true my mother more than likely suffered from this disorder. She constantly needed excessive attention and admiration. She had a lack of empathy even for her own children. I now know that she was very fragile and vulnerable even though she acted like a tyrant. I feel awful for her. My resentment toward her has melted into sympathy. I truly am sorry she could not find happiness during her life. So if you are lucky enough to be able to look within yourself, you are well on your way of being your best self. While I do not believe we can attain total objectivity about oneself – I mean that would be super human right? LOL I do think that each person can have a certain degree of self-awareness. I have to constantly remind myself that I am NOT MY THOUGHTS. I’m just me – a thinker – and I try to separate myself from my thoughts as much as possible. I am able to admit my flaws and love myself in spite of them. I used to worry so much about acceptance from others and now I know that it is okay if they do not understand me or even like me. Some people view this as a way to “get off the hook” for problems but it could not be farther from the truth. Being able to focus how we think, how we feel, how we act and react is the key in understanding ourselves and becoming our best self. At age 53 I no longer strive to be “perfect” and I do not crumble when people stop talking to me. I love myself finally. I know I am not perfect and I have no intentions of being perfect. I am who I am and I strive to be kind without being a rug. I want to be supportive but I do not want to be the only support for someone – that is too exhausting. Instead, I have finally realized that if I am self aware and I make decisions based on what I know and who I am it is always better than just reacting. This does not mean I am perfect – I still have days where I feel less than worthy. However, I am self aware enough now that I can say to my self – feel what you are feeling and move on chick! And I do.

Published by bridgey1967

53. Funny. Non complacent. Loving but not a sucker.

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