I just got back from a visit with a dear friend who lost her mom 4 years ago. You know my philosophy by now. It is okay to be sad but You Might As Well Laugh. (Did you see what I did there?) Thinking about her mother made me think about my mother. While I did not have a good relationship with my Mama I can now fondly remember the fun times and the very funny things she did and said now that she has been dead for many years.
While I was scrolling through Youtube I found several places where Asians shared what their Mamas texted them and they had me rolling in laughter. My Mama was illiterate so she never texted me but I can totally relate. Mama was simultaneously angry at me and wanted to make sure I was okay at the same time. It was confusing. Our conversation went something like this. “Yah! You go outside and gettem my stuff from car. Pparly Pparly (fast fast)!” Two minutes later “Bridgey – why you no wear coat? Huh? Soooo freezy outside. You catchy cold and die! Ugh so stupid”. I can laugh about it now.
I was on my way from the coast where I lived to visit her in the mountains where she lives for the holidays. I called before I left and she says to me, “Oh, why you come now? Weather so slicky. So dangerous. You fill up car? Your tire okay? No come! Forget it. Too dangerous!” I make good time getting there and as soon as I enter the house, “Why you takey so long? I makey you food now so cold!” And hello to you too? LOL
When I was in high school I was constantly staying up late studying so I could get the scholarship my Mama always told me I had to get because we were too poor to pay for college. One morning after a very long night of studying I decided to sleep in just a tiny bit and she woke me up by slamming the door open and yelling “Why you sleeping beauty today? You gotta go to school lazy bones! You sleepy next time. Today no sleep. Go go go!”
Dear Lord she was always worried I would get knocked up. She always told me before I left for any school function, “No boy and no prangant!” I’m pretty sure that is every Korean mother’s chant for their daughters.
So I did not date until I was 17. She had always told me men were snakes and they are only after one thing. On my 16th birthday she asked me why I did not like boys. She asked me if I liked girls. WTF? How was it that I was never allowed to go out and yet on the exact day I turned 16 I was a disappointment for not having a boyfriend? LOL
And she was always worried about kidnapping. “Yah, Bridgey no walk on side of road. Somebody kidnap you! Why you wear that shirt? You askey someone to kidnap you? No makeup! You wear makeup, they kidnap you! Listen to me. You no go out – you get kidnapped!” Yeah, it was a blast being her kid. LOL
Even though I feared her beatings and hated being yelled at — every once in awhile I would mess with her just for some passive aggressive fun. If she was in a good mood, I would innocently ask her, “Mama what is that shiny stuff called again?” “Why you so stupid? You no understand aruminum? Aruminum! I tell you so many times A-RU-MI-NUM. UGH!” I of course did not even crack a smile fearing something being thrown at me. If I felt super brave I would follow up with “Mama do you think we should replace that stuff on our kitchen floor? What is it called?” “Yah! Renoreum – I already tell you we no have a money for that. Renoreum look fine. You think we rich? Go study~” Yeah, It was wrong of me to enjoy listening to her butcher English words. I already admitted it was passive aggressive. If that gets me a ticket to hell so be it – it was worth it.