My Daughter Is Friar Tuck

OMG I finally have a genuine funny story to tell on my blog! Hooray! I’m glad I have not been naming my daughters or showing photos of their faces because I can now tell you a story about one of them and not worry about ruining her life. Yes, I know some of you know me personally so do not OUT this kid. Just enjoy a laugh on me.

Parenting is tricky. It’s the most time consuming, nerve wracking, physically demanding, mentally exhausting, beautiful job there is. It is indeed a JOB. You work freaking hard every single day as a mother. I’m not just talking about chores – that is really a choice. I’m talking about the responsibility that comes with birthing humans. You grow them for 10 months inside of your own body and then you protect and teach for another 17+ years outside the womb. It is not for the faint hearted.

This morning, my youngest child ran past me – not a surprise since her ADHD has her going full throttle first thing in the day. No matter how fast she tried to Naruto run by me, I could not help but notice a blinding white flash of skin on top of her head. Wait, did I imagine that? OMG is she balding?

When I asked her to come to me she looked worried which did not help matters at all. My heart is racing as I ask to look at the top of her head. This is what I saw:

WHAT THE EVERLOVING F…

Granted, wearing headphones nearly every day for Virtual School has caused some thinning at the top of her head. Given, she is prone to pull on her hair instead of using fidgets when she is anxious or bored. HOWEVER, it has NEVER looked like this. My first thought was that it was something medical and I had not seen the signs early enough. My heart sunk, my blood pressure raised and I asked her what happened. “Did you pull your hair out?” In the tiny few seconds it took her to respond I was already going down the list of things that this could be:

  • Traction Alopecia
  • Hormone imbalance – thyroid issue???
  • Alopecia
  • Poor nutrition
  • Anemia
  • Is it psychological? Is it trichotillomania?
  • Stress – has it just become too much with this pandemic?
  • Is this a side effect of her ADHD meds that I did not notice until too late?
  • When I dyed her hair for her did I ruin it?

My heart was beating out of my chest as I held her sweet head between my hands and she said these touching words to me, “Uh. . .there was a spot that was bothering me so I cut it”. All my worries drained out of me and it was all I could do to not pop her on the head. Don’t be your mother, don’t be your mother, hitting is bad, don’t be your mother (I chanted to myself in my head). “You did what?????” I asked just in case I misheard. Really, I was giving myself some time to calm down. Sheepishly with a crooked smile she replied, “Yeah, so there was this section that was kind of short and stuff and it was bothering me and yeah, I cut it off.”

I inspected it closer and noticed it was buzzed. Did you use your razor? (I meant her electric one). Yes, yes is the answer she gave. That was even more stupid! Oh but it gets better! After more prodding it turns out she used not her ELECTRIC razor but this:

Your eyes are not deceiving you. My near genius, straight A student, brilliant, almost 12 year old daughter thought it would be a GOOD IDEA to take a disposable razor to the TOP OF HER FREAKING HEAD! Let me give you a few minutes to laugh out loud and wipe your tears before I go on.

My second born has always been the one to push boundaries, break the rules, see how far she can push things, etc. but this really takes the cake. On top of this, I find out she had told her father YESTERDAY but he thought it was perfectly fine not to let me know. Now so many things makes sense – their whispering and laughing yesterday, her trying to wear a hat inside for no reason, her spending too long in the bathroom trying to do a side pony (wtf?). . . I’ve been laughing at my keyboard typing this and I heard my husband say to the kids, “I think we broke her!” Yeah, I think you did.

Published by bridgey1967

53. Funny. Non complacent. Loving but not a sucker.

2 thoughts on “My Daughter Is Friar Tuck

  1. Full disclosure. I didn’t “not tell you”. I thought it wasn’t worth telling. Hair grows. No big deal. Lol. Of course I knew it was a razor and not a portent of death.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: