Weight Struggle

There seems to be no secret to successful weight loss. If you do a simple search on the internet you will get an infinite variety of crazy advice to sound but hard to stay with advice. Throw in everyone’s chemistry, metabolism and situation is wildly different and you really don’t know what to listen to. So I stopped looking.

I realized that everyone’s struggle is their own. I decided to relay on my doctors to make sure my health was not going crazy. Even at my heaviest the cardiologist assured me that my heart was healthy so that was a relief. That was not permission to eat with abandon but it gave me some mental health strength to know I was not a total train wreck.

I actually enjoy walking and exercising but realized I enjoyed it more when there was a friend with me. So as often as I can, I try to schedule walks with my friends. This way, we have a healthy way of catching up that is better than sitting still and drinking wine (although that is tons more fun). I learned in the summer, walking back and forth in the pool was pleasant. My achy joints hurt less, I got to cool down and I got the natural resistance from the water.

There are days in a row where I don’t want to do anything and I don’t. I realize it is not healthy but I don’t punish myself for it. I just walk when I finally feel like doing it. It is sort of a yo yo effect but I am convinced ANY exercise is always better than NONE. Some days I hit 15 thousand steps and some days only 500. I keep my phone with me and use my step counter just to see how much I get even with normal every day stuff. I found that encouraging. Then when I see 200 I ask myself – yikes did I just lay around? It’s a good honest reminder for myself without the shaming eyes of another human.

At 53 I now absolutely know the calories in calories out UNLESS there is a true medical condition causing weight gain or obstructing weight loss. They do exist but a doctor will tell you if you have that or not, so don’t convince yourself you just have a thyroid issue. I did that for a bit and was tested and voila they are very healthy! LOL Damn it.

I do love the bad calories. French fries. . .mmmmmmm, fried chicken. . .yesssss, lava cake oh myyyyy. So I have those. I really do. And I don’t mean one bite of each I mean a plate of them. I just don’t eat them with every meal and I don’t gorge. I eat until I am full and then move on. And yes, I am guilty of giving into that urge for an ice cream cone when I was not hungry. But I allow it because I find if I don’t I will have too much of it later. It’s a dance for sure.

I have learned as my right knee lost all the cartilage (thanks DNA), I developed arthritis, I have a compressed disc in my neck the exercises I actually enjoyed now were not options. Slowly over the course of 10 years my weight crept up. I was never skinny but I managed to stay in the upper normal percentage until my father was diagnosed with cancer. After he died there were MONTHS on end where I barely got out of bed and fed my children. I was depressed. My weight hit the all time high of 225. I know, I know, if you are 300 you WISH you were 225. It is all relative.

So I got some medical help for my depression and the doc even threw in some medication for weight loss and I lost 15-20 lbs and then I came to a full stop. You guessed it. I am off the medication and am back to 225. Thank goodness it is summer. I am back to the pool when it is not storming and I try to walk on cooler days.

This is not a blog about my secret to weight loss. This is a post about how I do struggle but I’m in a good place in my brain where I can stop shaming myself. I might have 30 good years left in my life. Do I want to spend all that time struggling with some ideal weight placed on me? I really don’t. But my common sense says that I can’t eat out several times a week and still live those 30 years. I’ll have a heart attack in 10.

So for me, JUST ME, my solution is to eat well as often as I can. I do not eat if I am not hungry. If I eat because of my emotions I try to keep that to a minimum. I surround myself with people who love me and won’t tempt me with food as a reward. I occupy my mind with writing, card crafting and other more healthy avenues. Will I get back down to my 150 pounds that seems to be the healthiest for my 5ft 2 height and heavy muscular and boned frame? Nah. I really do not see that happening. Can I get down to a more comfortable 185 lbs. Sure! Will I do the work I need to do to get there? I will try. Will I punish myself if I never reach that number? Never. I’m done with that. I have no advice for you. I don’t know you. But for me, I plan to try to enjoy every day as much as I can and be as kind to myself as I can. I hope you will find a good place too.

Published by bridgey1967

Loyal. Funny. Sensitive. Loving.

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