Expectation Transparency

No, this is not a business article. I am writing about people communicating their wants and needs CLEARLY without any passive aggressive bologna (that does not work as well as baloney LOL). I saw a video that had gone viral and I thought, are people REALLY just now understanding this? I have been doing this for years! First, watch this video:

Some brides have been called bridezillas for having too many demands on THEIR SPECIAL DAY and rightly so. I mean asking people to give gifts that are $400 or more? Really? I thought that is what this video was going to be at first. I thought some entitled spoiled brat was going to say ridiculous things. Instead, it was an honest to goodness sharing of expectations and a polite way to get out of it if you want. Would I have these same expectations? Nope. But, she fairly put what she would like out there and did not punish anyone for not being a part of it.

I went to my very first wedding in the US when my friend K was married. Even though we were of similar age in college, she had a fiancé already and of course she got married after she graduated. We had been friends all of maybe three years at that point but we were both pretty frank and honest so we had decent conversations. There was no letter but she asked me to be in the wedding and I knew she had no money and she knew I had no money so we divvied up things and I did my best. Having been to many weddings after, I realized I could have done more and there were some things I shouldn’t have had to do. But it all turned out okay, she was beautiful, albeit a tad late because she took on too much to do on her own (maybe because bridesmaids like me sucked? LOL) but in the end married to a sweet guy who absolutely adored her.

Fast forward to my wedding 10 years later. Yup, I got married later, had kids later than her. Her kids are college age now and mine are barely teenagers. I had a very small budget and after seeing many people spend a small fortune on weddings I did not want to do that. If I had totally gotten my way, my wedding would have only cost $100 for the venue rental, $5 for the thrift store dress, and maybe a few hundred for the food, cake and alcohol. I’ll do another blog on what went awry at my wedding in another post so we can laugh about that. My point today is that I was very easygoing as a bride or maybe I was just clueless ( I hope my bridal party will tell me so in the comments- be gentle with me I’m old and delicate now LOL).

Weddings are overly expensive and I think that sitting down and talking to your friends and family about what you expect and being reasonable is absolutely a must. The bride in the above video did something that I think everyone should do. Everyone gets an out if they can’t do it without any bad feelings. I have already told my two young daughters that weddings are not necessary. (All the Catholics in my family just took in a collective breath LOL) They will not have a notebook with their dream weddings in it. I have not pressured either of them about getting married, having children or anything else (other than to become independent and move out of my house so I can retire. See? Clear expectations, people!

Expectation transparencies should not go viral – it should just be the way we communicate about everything. What do you expect from a spouse? What do you expect from your teenager when she goes to someone’s house? What is your expectation of teachers and vice versa? Will we all get what we expect? Of course not. But when we talk about it we are more likely to understand limits and it should take care of the surprises that may or may not throw us off balance later. Do our expectations change with time? Of course they do! Communicate those again. It is uncomfortable to talk to people honestly about things sometimes, but in the end it is worth it to know what is expected. Bravo to that bride.

I expect my readers to enjoy our blog and then buy my book when I publish it. If you do not, I will understand as it is your money and my book may not even be good. Please don’t trash me publicly though – send me emails instead so I can improve. =)

Published by bridgey1967

Loyal. Funny. Sensitive. Loving.

3 thoughts on “Expectation Transparency

  1. I still have the bookmark that were the favors at your wedding. It says “Commitment” on it and I love it. I have it in a much used cookbook. Every time I see it I think of your lovely wedding. I also think of my commitment to my husband. Best favor ever!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a friend for a long time. She asked me to be one of her three bridesmaids. After the hundredth thing she tried to pawn off on us I said no. The other two were wishy washy. I tried to say no to being a bridesmaid at that point, but she told me I couldn’t and I already got my dress and the other 2 begged me to stay. In the end, we paid for everything but I got the other two to agree we would not pay for her dream venue. So she realized it was a hard no, changed the venue to something AFFORDABLE, and then I found out that not only did she make a registry, but the guests had to PAY to be there! She shelled out not a red cent. I spent over $3,000 for a wedding that was not mine, and so did the other two girls. In the end, she was cranky because she couldn’t have it where she wanted it. After all that, and making the guests lay to watch her walk down the aisle to a man she would later divorce because he didn’t make enough money, that friendship was over. She got mad at me because only the bridal party was allowed to drink. Even our husbands (who helped fund this shin-dig weren’t allowed without paying) so I kicked off my shoes, went to the bartender (who was miserable because he knew everyone had to pay and thought it grotesque) and told him to give me a tray with assorted drinks. I could have as many as I wanted for free. He kept them coming and everyone got nice and happy FOR FREE! She was infuriated because all of the money she demanded from the guests didn’t cover what she thought it should and she owed $500 at the end of the night to cover the remaining bar bill from my “waitressing” for the evening. Not even a thank you for all the money, for her spending nothing. Instead griping and groaning it wasn’t where she wanted it but we ruined her day by saying no (the venue was $8,000!) and then because she had to pay $500 after planning and figuring how much each person should pay to cover the bridal party too and their drinks. I said “sorry girl, you’re not the friend I made 10 years ago, you’ve become an entitled bitch, and you can pay me back any time.” Never heard from her again. The other girls were still hearing it a year later until whatever happened between them and her. Some people.


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