I really really really want to write about funny things on this blog but I keep writing about mental health. My hope is that it might help someone else out there. I’m no expert and I have never claimed to be but sharing is caring, right?
If you are a subscriber you know that I had a traumatic childhood and I’m writing a memoir about my life. Writing has been very cathartic but it has also made me look deeper into myself — deeper than I had before. I was pretty proud to be “relatively normal” even with the experiences I had. Then, Daddy died and I had what I thought were new issues like situational depression.
With the help from my therapist I’m now realizing that I never truly healed from the abuse I endured as a child and that I never really gave the right names to what happened to me. Talking to him has been like picking off scabs. I thought I had healed but I had merely covered it up and it was still festering a little. So, now I’m bleeding but as one of my BFFs said to me – it’s a good bleed.
If you have a boil on your skin it is usually better to just let it heal. Sometimes though you have to lance it if it gets bigger or is not healing. Every place on the internet that is not crazy tells you to never do it on your own — go see a doctor. It’s not much different for mental health. There were just wounds that were festering and I needed a professional to help me remove the “scab” so I did not get a worse infection.
Therapy is not as much of a stigma as it used to be, I’m happy to report. A lot more people are realizing having a professional as a sounding board is good. More than just being a good listener, a good therapist can also help you set and complete goals and change your habits. Thanks to the pandemic there are many therapists who offer online therapy. My therapist moved out of town but we can stay connected through virtual means so I love being in my cozy bedroom and talking to him via a webcam. I don’t think I want to ever go to an office again. Now is the time if you have been on the fence about seeing a therapist!
Three weeks ago, my therapist helped me to realize I was having trouble dealing with the grief of my father’s death because it was related to my mother somehow. At first it made no sense but it slowly dawned on me that I really never spent any time with a professional on my childhood traumas. I have always just put a bandaid on and plodded on because there was always “something more important” happening. Yesterday in therapy I realized that now that Daddy is gone I am left to face the realities of my past. All this time I was just coping instead of healing. I’m a little afraid of what lies ahead but I know I must do this to be more centered and happy so I’m going to plunge ahead. Wish me luck?