What I Know At 54

Today is my 54th birthday. Happy birthday to me! The date of your birth. . .we celebrate it every year. Why? Well, for so many reasons of course like everything! Did you know that the idea of celebrating the date of your birth is a pagan tradition? Pagans thought that evil spirits lurked on days of major changes. The ancient Greeks believed that each person had a spirit that attended his or her birth. Most of us now celebrate to say, “Whew! I made it another year without dying!” LOL

Looking back on my life I have learned that not everyone will love me or even like me. While at age 13, 16, 18 and oh hell, all the time – that seemed so hurtful and dark and sad, I am happy to say it is not an influential aspect of my happiness at this moment. See? We DO grow up EVENTUALLY. =) I was very late developing emotionally but of course it all makes sense since my childhood was hardly “normal”.

I had a short but successful 7 year career as a high school English teacher. Now that I have been able to observe a lot of teachers with my own kids, I can confidently say that I was a kick ass great teacher just like all the principals tried to convince me. I didn’t believe them at the time but I do now and I’m proud to say I positively influenced a lot of kids. I humbly admit I probably did some things that were not stellar but I did have 1050+ students in my tenure so I have no doubt I said things and did things that may not have been helpful. My apologies to those students. In my heart I had nothing but love and respect for you all and was really trying to help you.

My all time favorite job was being a librarian’s assistant. If I could have had my head on straight I think I would have gone for my MLS and pursued that second career. But motherhood called me so I got to enjoy 4-5 years of saying “shhhhhh” haha (just kidding I never shushed people). I had incredible job satisfaction and I felt like I was in my element. I’m thankful I got to at least experience that feeling. I know a lot of people work a job for 30 years and do not feel that.

Being a mom is the most challenging place I have ever been in but it is so rewarding. My eldest will be 16 in just a few days and my 12 year old is going on 30 it seems sometimes. While I worry I am not a “good enough” mom I do know for sure I am a better mom than my own. I am sure they will tell me what I did wrong later in life. For now though, I feel good knowing they are in a safe, warm home and they are told they are loved more than they probably want to hear.

My body has a life of its own with all these weird aches, fat pouches, age spots, and many small problems. However, I have no terminal illness or chronic disease and for that I am immensely thankful. I have stopped eating mammal meats just to give my body a cleansing. After 4 weeks of being meat free I think I may continue to just eat seafood and eggs along with the veggies and fruit. I feel lighter. I’m not AGAINST eating meat – I just think this change is good for ME.

And of course I miss my Dad today. I am happy to report I’m not bawling about it which means I am finally reaching a stage in my grieving that is tolerable. I’m still sad not to hear his sweet voice on the phone saying, “Hey, Bridgette – happy birthday hon. How you feelin’ ? I sure hope you have a good day. I love ya”. God, what I would do if I could hear that just one more time. That would be the best gift of all. Also, really creepy because he’s dead and that would mean he’s a zombie, right? See? I can joke about it – look at that, I’m healing.

Thanks for reading this blog and being a part of our journey. We really do mostly laugh about everything. I’m glad I can laugh about this now.

Published by bridgey1967

Loyal. Funny. Sensitive. Loving.

6 thoughts on “What I Know At 54

  1. Happy birthday Bridgette. I am really enjoying reading your blogs. I feel like I am getting to know you. We have more in common than I realized. You are special and you have a good heart! Thank you for letting us see it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sweet lady. I have also learned that some of our legs of journey were similar. We would love for you to guest post on this blog when you are ready. You are an amazing soul and I love that what ties us together the strongest is JoAnne – isn’t she the best salve?

      Like

    1. I appreciate your comment very much. I think I am becoming healthier mentally by the day. Body wise – well we shall see what nature has planned, right? Thank you for reading my blog I am humbled by your interest.

      Liked by 1 person

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