Today is my 54th birthday. Happy birthday to me! The date of your birth. . .we celebrate it every year. Why? Well, for so many reasons of course like everything! Did you know that the idea of celebrating the date of your birth is a pagan tradition? Pagans thought that evil spirits lurked on days of major changes. The ancient Greeks believed that each person had a spirit that attended his or her birth. Most of us now celebrate to say, “Whew! I made it another year without dying!” LOL
Looking back on my life I have learned that not everyone will love me or even like me. While at age 13, 16, 18 and oh hell, all the time – that seemed so hurtful and dark and sad, I am happy to say it is not an influential aspect of my happiness at this moment. See? We DO grow up EVENTUALLY. =) I was very late developing emotionally but of course it all makes sense since my childhood was hardly “normal”.
I had a short but successful 7 year career as a high school English teacher. Now that I have been able to observe a lot of teachers with my own kids, I can confidently say that I was a kick ass great teacher just like all the principals tried to convince me. I didn’t believe them at the time but I do now and I’m proud to say I positively influenced a lot of kids. I humbly admit I probably did some things that were not stellar but I did have 1050+ students in my tenure so I have no doubt I said things and did things that may not have been helpful. My apologies to those students. In my heart I had nothing but love and respect for you all and was really trying to help you.
My all time favorite job was being a librarian’s assistant. If I could have had my head on straight I think I would have gone for my MLS and pursued that second career. But motherhood called me so I got to enjoy 4-5 years of saying “shhhhhh” haha (just kidding I never shushed people). I had incredible job satisfaction and I felt like I was in my element. I’m thankful I got to at least experience that feeling. I know a lot of people work a job for 30 years and do not feel that.
Being a mom is the most challenging place I have ever been in but it is so rewarding. My eldest will be 16 in just a few days and my 12 year old is going on 30 it seems sometimes. While I worry I am not a “good enough” mom I do know for sure I am a better mom than my own. I am sure they will tell me what I did wrong later in life. For now though, I feel good knowing they are in a safe, warm home and they are told they are loved more than they probably want to hear.
My body has a life of its own with all these weird aches, fat pouches, age spots, and many small problems. However, I have no terminal illness or chronic disease and for that I am immensely thankful. I have stopped eating mammal meats just to give my body a cleansing. After 4 weeks of being meat free I think I may continue to just eat seafood and eggs along with the veggies and fruit. I feel lighter. I’m not AGAINST eating meat – I just think this change is good for ME.
And of course I miss my Dad today. I am happy to report I’m not bawling about it which means I am finally reaching a stage in my grieving that is tolerable. I’m still sad not to hear his sweet voice on the phone saying, “Hey, Bridgette – happy birthday hon. How you feelin’ ? I sure hope you have a good day. I love ya”. God, what I would do if I could hear that just one more time. That would be the best gift of all. Also, really creepy because he’s dead and that would mean he’s a zombie, right? See? I can joke about it – look at that, I’m healing.
Thanks for reading this blog and being a part of our journey. We really do mostly laugh about everything. I’m glad I can laugh about this now.