Is that a real thing? I’m trying to put a finger on how I feel right now and that is what came out of my mouth as I was trying to explain it to my spouse. Here is what I mean.
As a mom I have to make all sorts of decisions for my children for their welfare. I already have to consider their nutrition and other “normal” parenting responsibilities. When the pandemic really got going, I chose to have the girls school at home via Virtual Learning. Since both girls are academically gifted it was a good fit albeit a boring one for both of them.
Once vaccinations became available, both of them wanted to go to in person learning. I had to wrestle with the good for their mental health vs unknown abilities of the general public to use healthy choices. Even though my gut said no, I let my brain lead and put them back in school.
They wore masks all day and when the weather permitted they were allowed to eat outdoors (which should never stop – let them eat outside anytime they can!). I happened to be part of the group in the lucky 12-17 year old bubble who have been vaccinated and now boostered. I probably come off sounding entitled and whiny when I say I’m still anxious about them being in school.
Both their schools seem to be doing okay but I wish we had gone to remote learning for a few months while everyone had a chance to get their kids vaccinated and let the vaccine get “baked in”. Alas, I’m not in charge and 2022 has begun with anxiety for me. I’m not scared of my kids GETTING Covid even though it could suck. At this point I feel they will be able to get through it without hospitalization. I do worry that they could be spreading it by being in school around non vaccinated kids.
To do our part, we stay home mostly. I’m the only one that goes grocery shopping wearing a KN95 mask. We eat mostly home cooked meals. We were just starting to see some vaccinated family members but Omicron is such a bitch we are having to back off of that while the holiday outbreak calms down.
The hospital beds are full and my father in law is recovering from his bout with COVID after his holiday travels. There are people going through far worse. But yeah, I’m feeling down and stressed and all I can do it give it a name. I’m not going to die from this feeling nor will I be unable to function – but it does weigh on me. It is not lost on me how lucky I am – I promise I can see that. My parents have already passed away (too soon) so I do not have to worry about them. They had pre existing conditions so both would have suffered greatly from this pandemic. I am not pregnant so I do not have to worry about COVID on top of all the other worries pregnant women face. My kids are not under 12 so I don’t have to worry about them not getting vaccinated. They are not under 5 so I don’t have to struggle with them understanding why they must keep their masks on and wash their hands often. I don’t have a serious illness. I’m just fat – so that puts me in slight risk but other than that, I’m very lucky.